Oh, Hi! It’s me, Sam

Multi-passionate? Check.

Also: Photographer, Designer, Scientist, Poet, Mom, Business Owner, Marketer, Consultant, Dreamer, Copywriter, Wife, Researcher, Teacher, Gardener,

Failure. . .

I used to listen to the people who told me I’d never get my shit together, who laughed when I changed directions, who rolled their eyes and made comments like, “what are you doing now? What happened to the last thing you were doing?” and make it mean something about me,

something like, I’m [ stupid | incapable of following through | lost | confused | flighty | untrustworthy | unintelligent | ridiculous | a hack ].

I ached for a life that wasn’t reductive,

a life in which I didn’t have to cut pieces of me off to fit into a mold.

But that’s exactly what I did, for a very long time.

It went on for a long time because there was no clearly-defined enemy to rally against; sometimes, the mold was one set by Society, and sometimes it was one created by people who I loved and desperately wanted to love me back, and other times it was my own mindset and impatience that forced me into roles that didn’t fit.

The ever-present ache, the one that seemed as if it reached across dimensions to torture me from a Life that I could never have, caused me mountains of shame about who I am and how I could never seem to figure my shit out.

Right now, I am on the precipice of making it True. . .of stepping into that Life that I could always see, just beyond the veil, but believed was impossible.

I don’t believe that anymore.

Now, I can feel how real it is, my fingertips brushing against it with every keystroke, every step I take angled in its direction: the sacred yes, yes, YES.

And I share this journey of untangling that shame, of unraveling the lies my brain has told me, of self-discovery, self-trust, and self-leadership and all my working files (read: Life Lessons) from my own personal Research & Development department,

with you.

I hope you are able to find something here that serves as a compass, a way to find the path back home to yourself.

About photography. . .

You needed over 4,000 people to exist, meet, fall in love, and create life, generation after generation, for you to have been born. You are a MIRACLE.

And that miracle happens with no repeats - each person a singular, signature, unique individual, with a unique and complex story.

To me, that is the most magical thing of all, and definitely something worth celebrating and dedicating my life to.

And so, in 2009, out of the ashes of a divorce, as a single mother with less money that it would have cost to order a large pizza, I bought a camera on credit and became a photographer.

For me, it was even more than a way to capture the meaning we make of our lives, the interconnectedness of us all, the intertwining with our environments, and how place is deeply tied to identity, roots, family, and who we become… it was freedom.

I am a photographer. . . and all those other things, too.

If you feel called to work with me in that capacity, you can visit my photography site and learn more about that part of my story.

About writing…

Here it is, the tender bud, the shivering vulnerability, the thing that I was not doing, that I was actually doing in secret, that I was being a huge chicken shit about, that I was running from the entire time. . .

This is The Thing.

Writing scares me the most. This space, this site, this endeavor scares me the most. Daring to claim a seat at the table, daring to dream of getting a book published (being chosen), daring to think someone else might read my words and feel something, enough of a something to buy them… I have no words for that feeling. It’s too big. It feels impossible.

And.

It’s the thing I keep running up against, every time I try to go off on a different experiement. I can only go so far before I am back at this spot, the center of the spiral.

I don’t know where this path leads. It scares me that it might lead to intense rejection, criticism, cancellation, social outcasting, the intense pain of being misunderstood. . . but then, it seems that I’m racking up quite a lot of that on my own, anyway, trying to “find the right thing” by looking for a guiding light everywhere other than in my heart.

And. . .I believe in this. I don’t know how, or how long it will take, or if it will be good, or if it will lead to complete ruin; all I know is, I have to do it.

Scared shitless, quaking in my armor, sword in hand, I’m in the arena, and there’s no turning back now.